The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
