You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
