The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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