So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
