I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
