At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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