just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize