I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
