i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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