party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
