hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
