thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
