This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
