Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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