You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
