I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
