why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
