I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Someone shattered a urinal.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
