so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
