Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
