I just pynch a tree in the face
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
