We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
