CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
