OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
