im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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