I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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