Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
