Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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