ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
