Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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