Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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