hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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