Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
