My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
