Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
