Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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