I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
