covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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