There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
