Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
