Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
