new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
