Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
