all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
