I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
