Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
