Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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