so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize