You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
