WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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