She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize