I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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