There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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