I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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