So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
