I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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