Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
