I'm going to jail i love you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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