i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
