Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
