It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize