We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
