kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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