I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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