Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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