Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
