No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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